At The Gentleman’s Club we’ve always said it’s a man’s world, but with a return to traditionalism dominating American male culture in 2010, we’re starting to think it may be turning into a Mad Men’s world. That’s one of the conclusions that... the results of our annual Gentleman’s Survey have led us to -- along with the ideas that TV and the “metrosexual” are dead, no one is really on Twitter, and the economic crisis was overblown -- but still left its mark on everything from the way guys date to the way we think about the environment.
We at the Gentleman’s Club wouldn’t make such claims without backing them up. And the backup is our 2010 Gentleman’s Survey, a poll that drew over 50,000 participants and more than 2 million responses.The final results paint a surprising picture of the modern Gentleman -- and shows just how much he has changed since years past.
1- The modern man doesn't play the field
Thanks to the unfortunate popularity of books like He’s Just Not That Into You, men are now faced with potential love interests who question our motives and overanalyze our behavioral patterns. The truth is, we’re much more traditional than women like to think. Sure, we forget to call here and there, but the one-night stands and meaningless relationships are something we’d like to leave in the past.
No less than 84% of our Gentlemen actually think it’s important to have a girlfriend with serious “wife potential.” We’re not out in bars searching for any girl who meets our standards at five minutes to closing time. We’re at the laundromat, the grocery store, and -- dare we say -- the “bookstore” (Those who know me, know what I’m talking about. I owe you two big time), hoping that maybe we’ll meet someone we could see ourselves with for a long time. And among those of us who are in relationships, 81% make an effort to surprise our partners with romantic gestures. Yes, red roses are nice, but surprising her with that antique necklace she saw in the window of a vintage shop is even better. See, men do care!
That said, while there’s definitely an “I” and a “me” in “domestic bliss,” the concept itself only works out if effort is put in on both ends.
2- The modern man will not tolerate the term "metrosexual"
Remember the term “metrosexual?” Throw it in the file cabinet folder marked “no longer applies.” These days, it’s standard for guys to put effort into their appearance, and in doing so they no longer risk being labeled a metrosexual or having their bag referred to as a “man-purse.”
We’ve also, thankfully, matured out of the post-“metrosexual” era of the dirty rockers (think Pete Doherty). We swung from Queer Eye… to a new norm that encouraged dressing shabbily, but thankfully we grew tired of the over-popularized aesthetic of skinny pants and beat-up Converse kicks. According to the Survey, we’ve now found a nice middle ground. We kept the fedora from the Doherty era, but we’re now pairing it with tailored suits and cufflinks. In fact, 84% of the Gentlemen who took our survey own at least four pairs of shoes, and 20% of them have at least four suits hanging in their closet. You can blame it on shows like Mad Men for reminding us that -- along with polite behavior and traditional gestures -- the well-dressed man does not have to be a thing of the past.
The same goes for grooming. Unkempt facial hair might suit pretty boys like Robert Pattinson (who perhaps feels the need to project virility), but we men know that a clean face is a sign of both professionalism and respect to our partners. Taking a shower alone does not constitute a grooming regime. The fear of being caught shopping for high-end skincare products on the main floor of Saks or Bloomingdales is a relic of the now-bygone metrosexual era.
The care we now take in our appearance is not a sign that we’ve become less manly; it’s quite the opposite. Self-presentation is only one aspect of the traditional revival that is well underway. The drinks we order at the bar represent another aspect of this revival. According to the survey, you’re more likely to find us sipping a scotch at a quaint bar we’ve discovered in our neighborhood than ordering a daiquiri at T.G.I. Fridays. After all, 51% of Gentlemen think the drink they order reflects their masculinity. Our fathers could retile the roof, change a flat tire, and take care of the family -- and they rewarded themselves for all of that with a nice scotch at the end of the day. We do too.
3- The modern man can do without TV and Twitter
For all our nostalgia for traditionalism, Gentlemen have embraced modern technology in all its forms -- and less-than-modern technology is suffering for it. Over the past few years, we’ve watched television almost completely die out; the proof is in the numbers. Today, 75% of us spend more time in front of their computer monitor than any other type of screen (only 18% cited the TV as the screen they spend the most time in front of), and 81% of them don’t think that downloading TV shows and music should be punishable by law. If the MPAA is looking for public support, it won’t be among Gentlemen that they’ll find it.
While social networking sites like Facebook serve as the most popular communication tools for the Everyman (even more so than e-mail, which seems to be going the way of the landline), Twitter seems to be something that we can all do without. Among us, 87% don’t use Twitter and are content to never add the verb “tweet” to their vocabulary.
4- The modern man thinks the economic crisis was overblown
While the ways in which we communicate have changed rapidly, the major economic changes that we all braced ourselves for have yet to hit. A surprising 85% of us insist that the financial crisis hasn’t had a direct negative effect on our career progress, and 62% haven’t even noticed a change in their employment status over the past year. Nonetheless, Gentlemen continue to seek professional shelter: Compared to the results of the 2009 survey, this year’s edition saw more men cite “stability” as the most important factor when considering a new job, and fewer cite “salary.”
The looming cloud of the crisis has also changed men’s priorities. Remember how concerned we all were when Al Gore showed us his vision of the future back in 2006? Well, the rotten state of economic affairs seems to have wiped the environment off the agenda. Today, 84% of our readers are only mildly concerned about the environment.
5- The modern man is the marrying kind
Another noteworthy result in this year’s edition of the Gentlemen’s Survey was that 95% of us are comfortable being in a relationship with a woman who has a higher salary. While we’d like to credit this to our open-mindedness regarding the opposite sex, we have a feeling that the crisis may also be at play here. A healthy dual income is definitely a desirable thing in 2010. The state of the economy seems to have also given rise to a greater reverence for stability in relationships (much to the delight of women everywhere). It is said that divorce rates go down in economic downturns, and apparently marriage goes up -- or at least our faith in it does. This year, 15% more of us believe in the institution of marriage compared with those who did in 2009.
The 2010 Gentlemen’s Survey in short? Men are putting a bigger emphasis on home life, returning to traditionalism and dressing the part. Sure, the economy might be on the rocks, but so is our scotch. Let’s toast to the return of the past. And Ladies, toast to the return of True Gentlemen.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Watches and Charms
Two men. They have similar taste in style of attire. They walk the same, and hale from the same province. The difference between them is one wears a watch, the other a neck charm.
The charm is his accessory. He wears it f...or a variety of reasons. He wants to look cool, be noticed. Seen as a man who is financially well off or whatever his reason is. He treats his charm with care when it is to be worn. He shines it before leaving the house and places special care in not tarnishing it for the evening.
The watch is his way to tell time. His watch drives him to move faster, push harder. He wakes up to it, and sleeps soundly at its beckon. His watch is valued for its purpose and Cared for at all ‘times’. It’s with him through the good and bad. He relies on this watch just as others rely on his ability to read it. His life revolves around its purpose. His duties are governed by what it reveals. His watch has captured his life. He is a slave to its power.
Let’s bring this together now
His woman is treated like his watch. He relies on her. She motivates him to go faster, complete his tasks. When he calls on the time, his watch is always there, just as his woman is there when he calls on her. He needs his watch daily, just as he needs his woman. There is no greater feeling than waking up to her. “Baby, come to bed.” She would beckon him.
She is with him. Good, bad or indifferent. He will care for her for all time. His movements revolve around her feelings, thoughts and words. His woman has captured his soul. Like his watch, his woman is elegant, trustful and desired. He is a servant to the power of his Queen.
Due to the fact that I am incapable of acting in any manner short of a Gentleman, I have not a clue on how to describe a Woman like a charm. But you should already know.
So tell me, Ladies. How are you to be treated? I bet you all will look at watch wears differently.
Gentleman…. You know what ‘time’ it is.
The charm is his accessory. He wears it f...or a variety of reasons. He wants to look cool, be noticed. Seen as a man who is financially well off or whatever his reason is. He treats his charm with care when it is to be worn. He shines it before leaving the house and places special care in not tarnishing it for the evening.
The watch is his way to tell time. His watch drives him to move faster, push harder. He wakes up to it, and sleeps soundly at its beckon. His watch is valued for its purpose and Cared for at all ‘times’. It’s with him through the good and bad. He relies on this watch just as others rely on his ability to read it. His life revolves around its purpose. His duties are governed by what it reveals. His watch has captured his life. He is a slave to its power.
Let’s bring this together now
His woman is treated like his watch. He relies on her. She motivates him to go faster, complete his tasks. When he calls on the time, his watch is always there, just as his woman is there when he calls on her. He needs his watch daily, just as he needs his woman. There is no greater feeling than waking up to her. “Baby, come to bed.” She would beckon him.
She is with him. Good, bad or indifferent. He will care for her for all time. His movements revolve around her feelings, thoughts and words. His woman has captured his soul. Like his watch, his woman is elegant, trustful and desired. He is a servant to the power of his Queen.
Due to the fact that I am incapable of acting in any manner short of a Gentleman, I have not a clue on how to describe a Woman like a charm. But you should already know.
So tell me, Ladies. How are you to be treated? I bet you all will look at watch wears differently.
Gentleman…. You know what ‘time’ it is.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Each One, Teach One
Once upon a time, it seemed like every guy knew the rules of chivalry. Chivalry was gospel, a time-tested code of conduct for men passed down from generation to generation. From the time we were boys, we knew it was polite to open doors for... our dates and offer up our seats to women on a crowded bus. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, we forgot how to be chivalrous. We forgot the rules and the procedures for treating women properly. As a result, there’s little courtesy left in courtship anymore.
Luckily, there are at least a few guys out there who remember what it means to be a Gentleman, and each of these guys can teach us something about impressing women. So take a moment and review these chivalry lessons from modern day Gentlemen.
Be attentive
You might be surprised that we’d include Ashton Kutcher on our list of modern gentlemen. You probably still think of him as the numskull from That '70s Show. But credit where credit’s due: Kutcher is dating arguably the hottest cougar on the planet, Demi Moore. And how Kutcher keeps Demi happy is instructive. He can often be seen holding her hand, helping her into a car, and doing all the things that a chivalrous guy does. You don’t score a woman like Demi by being inconsiderate. Chivalry means paying attention to details. Open doors. Pull out her chair. Make your date feel like a lady and show her that you’re a man or, more specifically, a Gentleman.
Manners
Chivalry is all about treating others with respect, especially women. That’s why practicing good manners is such an important component of chivalry. Think about it: When a guy chews with his mouth full or forgets to say “please” and “thank you” he not only looks like a Neanderthal, but he’s also telling people that he doesn’t care about anybody but himself. It’s fundamentally disrespectful.
Something as simple as being polite shows a woman that you care what she thinks; you’ll be attentive to her needs and her desires. That’s a turn-on for women. It’s also likely one of the reasons Matthew McConaughey was named People magazine’s sexiest man alive in 2005. McConaughey makes good manners sexy. The man exudes Southern charm and women love him for it.
Romantic gestures
David Beckham provides us with the third of our chivalry lessons from legendary gentlemen. In case you haven’t heard, Beckham has become the poster boy for extravagant romantic gestures. He once purchased a ruby and diamond pendant for his wife Victoria Beckham worth an estimated $2.4 million
For his wife's 33rd birthday, Beckham bought Posh a $340,000 painting, and flew her to Paris in a private jet where they spent the night at the Paris Ritz at an estimated $12,000 a night. But fear not, you don’t need to “spend it like Beckham” in order to show your girl you care. Writing “I love you” on a post-it note or calling her unexpectedly in the middle of the day qualifies as a romantic gesture too. The million dollar gift may win her admiration, But it’s the million dollar thought that will win her heart.
Defend her honor
Part of being chivalrous is communicating to your partner that you can protect her, that you’ll stand up for her and her interests. Now, this does not mean you have to punch strangers in the street. However, it does mean that you take her side in arguments (even if you don’t always agree with her). It also means that you treat her with respect in public. Through your words and actions you demonstrate to her, and to others, how you expect her to be treated. Above all, you want to project an aura of calmness and confidence. You want to be the guy that women feel safe around. As an illustrative example, think of a guy like Clive Owen. There’s something about the way Owen carries himself that instills confidence. You know just looking at him that he’s not a guy to be trifled with.
Be a good sport
The chivalrous guy knows how to give and take a joke. He can and will compete -- he’ll give his all -- but he won’t be a poor sport when he loses and he won’t gloat when he wins. This chivalry lesson is perhaps best embodied by Gentleman and tennis star, Roger Federer.
Federer is arguably the greatest tennis player of all time. The Swiss star has won 16 Grand Slam titles. And not only has he won the ATP (Association of Tennis Professionals) Player of the Year Award five times, but he’s also won the ATP Sportsmanship Award six years running. Well, to my sadness, he was not successful in the past weeks events, but the way he carried himself with a smile on his face and a song in his heart, you would guess he was the victorious one. And in the eyes of admirers, he was. Women don’t want to date a whiner or a braggart. They want to know you’re going to be gracious in victory or defeat. And in that moment, the true victory prize will be yours… Her.
A CLASS IN CLASS
None of the items on our list of chivalry lessons from legendary Gentlemen can be considered rocket science. There’s nothing groundbreaking here. Just some sensible tips that guys too often forget. Remembering them will definitely set you apart from the masses.
Luckily, there are at least a few guys out there who remember what it means to be a Gentleman, and each of these guys can teach us something about impressing women. So take a moment and review these chivalry lessons from modern day Gentlemen.
Be attentive
You might be surprised that we’d include Ashton Kutcher on our list of modern gentlemen. You probably still think of him as the numskull from That '70s Show. But credit where credit’s due: Kutcher is dating arguably the hottest cougar on the planet, Demi Moore. And how Kutcher keeps Demi happy is instructive. He can often be seen holding her hand, helping her into a car, and doing all the things that a chivalrous guy does. You don’t score a woman like Demi by being inconsiderate. Chivalry means paying attention to details. Open doors. Pull out her chair. Make your date feel like a lady and show her that you’re a man or, more specifically, a Gentleman.
Manners
Chivalry is all about treating others with respect, especially women. That’s why practicing good manners is such an important component of chivalry. Think about it: When a guy chews with his mouth full or forgets to say “please” and “thank you” he not only looks like a Neanderthal, but he’s also telling people that he doesn’t care about anybody but himself. It’s fundamentally disrespectful.
Something as simple as being polite shows a woman that you care what she thinks; you’ll be attentive to her needs and her desires. That’s a turn-on for women. It’s also likely one of the reasons Matthew McConaughey was named People magazine’s sexiest man alive in 2005. McConaughey makes good manners sexy. The man exudes Southern charm and women love him for it.
Romantic gestures
David Beckham provides us with the third of our chivalry lessons from legendary gentlemen. In case you haven’t heard, Beckham has become the poster boy for extravagant romantic gestures. He once purchased a ruby and diamond pendant for his wife Victoria Beckham worth an estimated $2.4 million
For his wife's 33rd birthday, Beckham bought Posh a $340,000 painting, and flew her to Paris in a private jet where they spent the night at the Paris Ritz at an estimated $12,000 a night. But fear not, you don’t need to “spend it like Beckham” in order to show your girl you care. Writing “I love you” on a post-it note or calling her unexpectedly in the middle of the day qualifies as a romantic gesture too. The million dollar gift may win her admiration, But it’s the million dollar thought that will win her heart.
Defend her honor
Part of being chivalrous is communicating to your partner that you can protect her, that you’ll stand up for her and her interests. Now, this does not mean you have to punch strangers in the street. However, it does mean that you take her side in arguments (even if you don’t always agree with her). It also means that you treat her with respect in public. Through your words and actions you demonstrate to her, and to others, how you expect her to be treated. Above all, you want to project an aura of calmness and confidence. You want to be the guy that women feel safe around. As an illustrative example, think of a guy like Clive Owen. There’s something about the way Owen carries himself that instills confidence. You know just looking at him that he’s not a guy to be trifled with.
Be a good sport
The chivalrous guy knows how to give and take a joke. He can and will compete -- he’ll give his all -- but he won’t be a poor sport when he loses and he won’t gloat when he wins. This chivalry lesson is perhaps best embodied by Gentleman and tennis star, Roger Federer.
Federer is arguably the greatest tennis player of all time. The Swiss star has won 16 Grand Slam titles. And not only has he won the ATP (Association of Tennis Professionals) Player of the Year Award five times, but he’s also won the ATP Sportsmanship Award six years running. Well, to my sadness, he was not successful in the past weeks events, but the way he carried himself with a smile on his face and a song in his heart, you would guess he was the victorious one. And in the eyes of admirers, he was. Women don’t want to date a whiner or a braggart. They want to know you’re going to be gracious in victory or defeat. And in that moment, the true victory prize will be yours… Her.
A CLASS IN CLASS
None of the items on our list of chivalry lessons from legendary Gentlemen can be considered rocket science. There’s nothing groundbreaking here. Just some sensible tips that guys too often forget. Remembering them will definitely set you apart from the masses.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
A Gentleman's Style
A Gentleman is capable of touch all senesces of those he runs into. He has the power to speak values without saying a word. I will tell you the way a Gentleman gets his point across without the use of words.
I give to you the style of a Gentleman, from head to toe.
A Good Head on your Shoulders
A Gentleman’s hair is always neat. It is a due to the cut he gets, or the product he uses. His hair is used to accent his facial features. His cheek bones, his nose, his fore head. All have a role in the style of his hair. Have you ever noticed the guy who uses every product to make his hair stand on end? Hard, stiff and unforgiving. NOW! Have you ever noticed that 99.9% of all Ladies love to run their hands over, or, fingers through a guys hair? Imagine that with the flesh cutting hair styles you see on the Jersey Shore. It makes for a very lonely night. Not to mention, if it takes you longer to do your hair than it does to shower, you should take that as an indication that it’s not a good ideal to go with that style. So, cut your hair first off, and be sure you use a man law or two whn styling it. If you need to know these Man Laws, you’re already way behind the rest of us.
Pic and Shave
Your face is the most important part of your body. It’s what everybody looks at when you enter a room. It’s your first impression and your lasting statement. Might as well take care of it, or at least make it look good. If you have the ability to grow facial hair, make sure you keep it neat. There are vast arrays of facial hair designs floating around that are just ridiculous. Keep it close and trim and you should do just fine. Some Ladies like a lil shadow here and there. Others prefer the clean. Not once have I ever heard a Woman say they would like a food catching, smell grabbing lion’s mane to play with. So If you have to shampoo your facial hair, it’s not really a questions as to rather or not you should shave. And if you have that face that grows in patches, cut your losses and shave.
Up top
Your torso is a great way to say without saying. Shoulders, Pecs, Abs, all of which the ladies find very attractive. But it’s the cover up that leads to the imagination. Tall, long guys need to stay away from the vertical strips. Short wide guys turn from the horizontal strips. Wear a shirt that fits your form. In the case of the short rounds, wear one that contrast your body style. Long thin guys need not where a 3 or 4 XL shirt. It makes you look like an inmate. Stick with solid colors. They are easier to match. Make a fist. If the tips of your fingers touch the cuff of your sleeve, your shirts is too long. If when buttoned, your long sleeve shirt bunches at the lower arm (I.E. Popeye) it’s too long. If when at your side, your sleeve looks like you are reaching above your head, it’s too short. Jackets are a must. But they must match and be tasteful. Black proper fitted leather is always acceptable. If for some reason, you don’t feel like wearing a dead animal, then a nice suede or khaki over coat is a great substitute. A long coat should never touch the ground. EVER!!! Tuck your shirt in if the situation requires it. Nobody like an un kept man.
Down Low
Your pants should fit. Not too tight like skinny jeans (Those are for girls anyway), and not too loose that they fall off. Just remember this. A Gentleman never wears a belt because he needs one. He wears it because it’s an accessory. Your pants should never reach the bottom of your shoe. That’s just tacky. Besides, you’ll ruin them. In terms of shorts, same rules apply belt wise. But the length of the shorts should stay between the knee joint and the top of the calve muscle.
Let’s Kick it
Your shoes have to follow a few rules. They should match anything from the belt up. If you are wearing a two tone shirt, the shoe should have one or two of the three colors and a blender color (Black or white). If you are wearing a tri-color shirt, your shoes should have one or two of the three colors and a blender. When you are wearing shorts, wear hide socks (below the ankle). Make sure they fit your feet. Never wear a shoe that has an extravagant design when the situation does not warrant it. You’re at a wedding, not a skateboard convention.
What the Rock's Cookin'
Splash on a lil scent. The sense of smell if the most powerful because it’s the only sense that can jog memory from 30 years ago. But be careful. If your going to a crowded place, splash on the stuff that nobody wears. The lady will remember you if you smell different (trust me). If it’s you and her, go for something a lil more subtle. In the movie theater, she will love the fact that she smells her favorite when she snuggles with you. If you need some help with picking the right stuff. Use those little cards that they give out in the fragrance department, spray all the kinds that you’re interested in, and walk up to a random (preferable single) young lady and ask her what she recommends. While you’re at it, ask her for her phone number.
All in all, if you are leaving the house for more than 45 minutes, and it’s between the hours of 9AM and 8PM, put on some clothes and take advantage of the lack of top choice grade a men in the area. The ladies will take notice. And you didn’t even say a word, did you.
I give to you the style of a Gentleman, from head to toe.
A Good Head on your Shoulders
A Gentleman’s hair is always neat. It is a due to the cut he gets, or the product he uses. His hair is used to accent his facial features. His cheek bones, his nose, his fore head. All have a role in the style of his hair. Have you ever noticed the guy who uses every product to make his hair stand on end? Hard, stiff and unforgiving. NOW! Have you ever noticed that 99.9% of all Ladies love to run their hands over, or, fingers through a guys hair? Imagine that with the flesh cutting hair styles you see on the Jersey Shore. It makes for a very lonely night. Not to mention, if it takes you longer to do your hair than it does to shower, you should take that as an indication that it’s not a good ideal to go with that style. So, cut your hair first off, and be sure you use a man law or two whn styling it. If you need to know these Man Laws, you’re already way behind the rest of us.
Pic and Shave
Your face is the most important part of your body. It’s what everybody looks at when you enter a room. It’s your first impression and your lasting statement. Might as well take care of it, or at least make it look good. If you have the ability to grow facial hair, make sure you keep it neat. There are vast arrays of facial hair designs floating around that are just ridiculous. Keep it close and trim and you should do just fine. Some Ladies like a lil shadow here and there. Others prefer the clean. Not once have I ever heard a Woman say they would like a food catching, smell grabbing lion’s mane to play with. So If you have to shampoo your facial hair, it’s not really a questions as to rather or not you should shave. And if you have that face that grows in patches, cut your losses and shave.
Up top
Your torso is a great way to say without saying. Shoulders, Pecs, Abs, all of which the ladies find very attractive. But it’s the cover up that leads to the imagination. Tall, long guys need to stay away from the vertical strips. Short wide guys turn from the horizontal strips. Wear a shirt that fits your form. In the case of the short rounds, wear one that contrast your body style. Long thin guys need not where a 3 or 4 XL shirt. It makes you look like an inmate. Stick with solid colors. They are easier to match. Make a fist. If the tips of your fingers touch the cuff of your sleeve, your shirts is too long. If when buttoned, your long sleeve shirt bunches at the lower arm (I.E. Popeye) it’s too long. If when at your side, your sleeve looks like you are reaching above your head, it’s too short. Jackets are a must. But they must match and be tasteful. Black proper fitted leather is always acceptable. If for some reason, you don’t feel like wearing a dead animal, then a nice suede or khaki over coat is a great substitute. A long coat should never touch the ground. EVER!!! Tuck your shirt in if the situation requires it. Nobody like an un kept man.
Down Low
Your pants should fit. Not too tight like skinny jeans (Those are for girls anyway), and not too loose that they fall off. Just remember this. A Gentleman never wears a belt because he needs one. He wears it because it’s an accessory. Your pants should never reach the bottom of your shoe. That’s just tacky. Besides, you’ll ruin them. In terms of shorts, same rules apply belt wise. But the length of the shorts should stay between the knee joint and the top of the calve muscle.
Let’s Kick it
Your shoes have to follow a few rules. They should match anything from the belt up. If you are wearing a two tone shirt, the shoe should have one or two of the three colors and a blender color (Black or white). If you are wearing a tri-color shirt, your shoes should have one or two of the three colors and a blender. When you are wearing shorts, wear hide socks (below the ankle). Make sure they fit your feet. Never wear a shoe that has an extravagant design when the situation does not warrant it. You’re at a wedding, not a skateboard convention.
What the Rock's Cookin'
Splash on a lil scent. The sense of smell if the most powerful because it’s the only sense that can jog memory from 30 years ago. But be careful. If your going to a crowded place, splash on the stuff that nobody wears. The lady will remember you if you smell different (trust me). If it’s you and her, go for something a lil more subtle. In the movie theater, she will love the fact that she smells her favorite when she snuggles with you. If you need some help with picking the right stuff. Use those little cards that they give out in the fragrance department, spray all the kinds that you’re interested in, and walk up to a random (preferable single) young lady and ask her what she recommends. While you’re at it, ask her for her phone number.
All in all, if you are leaving the house for more than 45 minutes, and it’s between the hours of 9AM and 8PM, put on some clothes and take advantage of the lack of top choice grade a men in the area. The ladies will take notice. And you didn’t even say a word, did you.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
A Gentleman's Woman
In your quest to be a Gentleman, you are someone always striving for what is best. Whether it is for you or your family, working up the mountain is no easy task and, along the way, you’ll come across contacts that will support and lend advice to ensure the path you have chosen is the one you need to face. And over time, you’ll often find that for every good man exists a better woman behind him.
The significance of having a strong, competent and nurturing woman cannot be overstated. That’s not to say that all situations call for a partner, but it is certainly more enjoyable swinging the tennis racket with someone good -- especially since the excellent players force you to evolve your game.
So I bring to you, the qualities of a Gentleman’s Woman.
She can push you harder
Having a good woman behind you lets you realize your skill set, and more importantly, she doesn't let you settle for less. Though some might call this "nagging," understand that it is the woman herself who feels fulfilled when you’re doing your life's work. When you’re behind the wheel -- with a sense of apathy -- your enthusiasm will rub off. She will only regret what you aren’t doing.
Your partner knows what you should be doing. She won't allow for the second-rate version of you, so be thankful someone like that exists in your life.
The encouragement of something new
There is nothing more motivating than a beautiful woman. Along with the new nerves you have around her, you will find yourself inside a positive pull. Have a few extra pounds you should have shed months ago? Have a few pages you need to write for that book that has been on hold?
What better way to use the positive energy that you have now than by redirecting that vitality toward a goal -- a purpose. Use the energy in a positive way, and the radiance that you carry will strike all kinds of good vibes with her. Positivity is contagious, so don't be surprised if various people take a liking to your new attitude.
Pushing yourself physically
You've landed the woman of your dreams. She supports your wishes, causes and beliefs. Oh, and she is a 10 knockout. As other dudes ogle and stare at your prize, you feel a little abet to do some harm.
But instead, see this as an opportunity to get into the gym and mold yourself into someone you want to be. You and your partner will both benefit from your work to better yourself physically. You’ll reap the rewards. And who knows, they might even be ogling you.
The growth period
In life, if you’re not growing, then consider yourself dead. Stagnant. Your work hour might end at 5 p.m., but being a Better Man is an around-the-clock ordeal.
Find a great partner. If you have her, keep her, because the time you have with her is an opportunity for growth. You’ll realize new things in life that you may have not have grasped before. If it causes suffering, consider it yet another opportunity to grow. What you learn now can help you in your next relationship, should it come to it. You might be able to hide from suffering, but there is no substitute for growth.
THE FINAL WORD
Every king has a Queen.
The significance of having a strong, competent and nurturing woman cannot be overstated. That’s not to say that all situations call for a partner, but it is certainly more enjoyable swinging the tennis racket with someone good -- especially since the excellent players force you to evolve your game.
So I bring to you, the qualities of a Gentleman’s Woman.
She can push you harder
Having a good woman behind you lets you realize your skill set, and more importantly, she doesn't let you settle for less. Though some might call this "nagging," understand that it is the woman herself who feels fulfilled when you’re doing your life's work. When you’re behind the wheel -- with a sense of apathy -- your enthusiasm will rub off. She will only regret what you aren’t doing.
Your partner knows what you should be doing. She won't allow for the second-rate version of you, so be thankful someone like that exists in your life.
The encouragement of something new
There is nothing more motivating than a beautiful woman. Along with the new nerves you have around her, you will find yourself inside a positive pull. Have a few extra pounds you should have shed months ago? Have a few pages you need to write for that book that has been on hold?
What better way to use the positive energy that you have now than by redirecting that vitality toward a goal -- a purpose. Use the energy in a positive way, and the radiance that you carry will strike all kinds of good vibes with her. Positivity is contagious, so don't be surprised if various people take a liking to your new attitude.
Pushing yourself physically
You've landed the woman of your dreams. She supports your wishes, causes and beliefs. Oh, and she is a 10 knockout. As other dudes ogle and stare at your prize, you feel a little abet to do some harm.
But instead, see this as an opportunity to get into the gym and mold yourself into someone you want to be. You and your partner will both benefit from your work to better yourself physically. You’ll reap the rewards. And who knows, they might even be ogling you.
The growth period
In life, if you’re not growing, then consider yourself dead. Stagnant. Your work hour might end at 5 p.m., but being a Better Man is an around-the-clock ordeal.
Find a great partner. If you have her, keep her, because the time you have with her is an opportunity for growth. You’ll realize new things in life that you may have not have grasped before. If it causes suffering, consider it yet another opportunity to grow. What you learn now can help you in your next relationship, should it come to it. You might be able to hide from suffering, but there is no substitute for growth.
THE FINAL WORD
Every king has a Queen.
Monday, September 6, 2010
No Need To Impress Her Now, She Knew You At Hello
For the longest time, we have had to keep our mouths shut. But now you’re in the company of Gentlemen.
Your shiny shoes click on the street as you turn up toward her house. You're armed with the best and most expensive bouquet of flowers the store had and there may even be some fancy chocolates or something shiny in your possession. She opens the door and you’re all aflutter and soon enough, you’ll be kissing her hand and her ass (same thing) just to impress her. Stop stooping and stand up. Don't try to impress women.
Stop selling out your gender
Almost every man is guilty of it: trying to impress women so that they will date you, sleep with you, stay with you, etc. Still, it may even seem like the logical thing to do in that bar or club or on that first date. Maybe you say something smart and try to look worldly and deep. Maybe you rent or borrow a really nice car to show up in. Or maybe you spend more than you can afford on dinner. Whatever the trick, you’re trying to impress a woman, and that is the worst thing to do. Why? Because, slowly but surely, you are doing your gender a disservice. Your attempts to impress women are really groveling and you’re perpetuating the myth that guys should have to stoop to please.
A man’s attempt to impress women sells out his dignity, his confidence and his self-esteem. He stops being himself, speaking his mind, giving his opinion, and making decisions as a real man should.
Excuse me Sir, have you seen your balls?
This self-emasculation only gives life to the idea that a man must bow down, work like a dog and prove himself worthy to the women he dates. Forget about whether he’s a good man or a stand-up guy. Impressing women is about what you can do for them and not about who you are. Instead of cutting off your pair, try growing them. Once you start down that road of trying to impress women, you do not become their equal; you become their lap dog.
There was a time when men were men and talked to women instead of trying to impress them. Somewhere along the way, fellas began to believe that putting women on pedestals was the only way to get their attention. No, putting them on some make-believe podium will really push them away and leave you a nutless disappointment to mankind.
“Well, Sir, if I shouldn’t impress her, what should I do instead?” Just be yourself with your own confidence. Most men run around with hooks in their cheeks and leashes on their necks trying to please some woman or another. Be you. Any woman worth talking to will communicate with the real you, a man who stands up straight and speaks his mind. Impressing her will only leave you a slave.
She “Should” Already Know
As a man of high regard (maybe in your own mind), you should have already impressed her with the sheer fact that you are who you are. The reason why you conduct yourself in a Gentlemanly manner is because you have set yourself apart from the masses. There is no situation where you should compromise yourself in the face of a Woman. If it’s funny, laugh. If you’re hungry, eat. There should never be a time where you call a spade a heart. So this charade that that you have going for the sake of her emotions is something that you need to stop. It’s a lie, and a Gentleman never lies. Be the one you were when you met her. If she is really right for you, then she will accept that fact.
Never exchange who you are for who she wants you to be. Trust me, it only leads to a loss of friends, an empty bank account and the revocation of your Gentleman’s Club Membership (or a non admittance is you are seeking one).
IMPRESS US, BABY
With all the talk of equality and role reversal, try this: Instead of submitting to women for their approval, guys should be waiting for women to put their own dignity and self-respect on the line. Ladies should find their own ways to impress men.
I am a Gentleman, and as such, I make no apologies.
Your shiny shoes click on the street as you turn up toward her house. You're armed with the best and most expensive bouquet of flowers the store had and there may even be some fancy chocolates or something shiny in your possession. She opens the door and you’re all aflutter and soon enough, you’ll be kissing her hand and her ass (same thing) just to impress her. Stop stooping and stand up. Don't try to impress women.
Stop selling out your gender
Almost every man is guilty of it: trying to impress women so that they will date you, sleep with you, stay with you, etc. Still, it may even seem like the logical thing to do in that bar or club or on that first date. Maybe you say something smart and try to look worldly and deep. Maybe you rent or borrow a really nice car to show up in. Or maybe you spend more than you can afford on dinner. Whatever the trick, you’re trying to impress a woman, and that is the worst thing to do. Why? Because, slowly but surely, you are doing your gender a disservice. Your attempts to impress women are really groveling and you’re perpetuating the myth that guys should have to stoop to please.
A man’s attempt to impress women sells out his dignity, his confidence and his self-esteem. He stops being himself, speaking his mind, giving his opinion, and making decisions as a real man should.
Excuse me Sir, have you seen your balls?
This self-emasculation only gives life to the idea that a man must bow down, work like a dog and prove himself worthy to the women he dates. Forget about whether he’s a good man or a stand-up guy. Impressing women is about what you can do for them and not about who you are. Instead of cutting off your pair, try growing them. Once you start down that road of trying to impress women, you do not become their equal; you become their lap dog.
There was a time when men were men and talked to women instead of trying to impress them. Somewhere along the way, fellas began to believe that putting women on pedestals was the only way to get their attention. No, putting them on some make-believe podium will really push them away and leave you a nutless disappointment to mankind.
“Well, Sir, if I shouldn’t impress her, what should I do instead?” Just be yourself with your own confidence. Most men run around with hooks in their cheeks and leashes on their necks trying to please some woman or another. Be you. Any woman worth talking to will communicate with the real you, a man who stands up straight and speaks his mind. Impressing her will only leave you a slave.
She “Should” Already Know
As a man of high regard (maybe in your own mind), you should have already impressed her with the sheer fact that you are who you are. The reason why you conduct yourself in a Gentlemanly manner is because you have set yourself apart from the masses. There is no situation where you should compromise yourself in the face of a Woman. If it’s funny, laugh. If you’re hungry, eat. There should never be a time where you call a spade a heart. So this charade that that you have going for the sake of her emotions is something that you need to stop. It’s a lie, and a Gentleman never lies. Be the one you were when you met her. If she is really right for you, then she will accept that fact.
Never exchange who you are for who she wants you to be. Trust me, it only leads to a loss of friends, an empty bank account and the revocation of your Gentleman’s Club Membership (or a non admittance is you are seeking one).
IMPRESS US, BABY
With all the talk of equality and role reversal, try this: Instead of submitting to women for their approval, guys should be waiting for women to put their own dignity and self-respect on the line. Ladies should find their own ways to impress men.
I am a Gentleman, and as such, I make no apologies.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
What Is A Gentleman?
Over the years, I have been subject to the grandest teaching any young man can have in the art of being a gentleman. My teachers were the women of my family. The fairer sex vastly outnumber the men of my clan, so I was given very good insight as to what a gentleman should be. While I am no master and I claim never to fully understand the art, I have had my highs and lows in this interesting game of chess. I call it a game because most of us don’t take it seriously until we are thrust into extraordinary situations that would make the ordinary man crumble. So many have answered the question before my time, but few remember the replies and often offer mindless rebuttals to cover the lack of common gentleman knowledge. So I will hopefully instill some much needed reason behind some of our lesser action, as well as spark the wick of those to come, in hopes of creating a new found generation of past, existing and future gentlemen. Here are some guidelines to start those on the journey, or to correct the path of those who have become lost or stalled on the road. I give to you:
Etiquette Of A Gentleman
Always be polite
Even if you don't like someone, there is no need to lower yourself to their level. Be polite and courteous; show that you're the better man.
Do not curse
Swearing is a big no-no. It shows that you don't have the vocabulary to express your thoughts appropriately. Furthermore, it is always very crude and impolite to be vulgar.
Do not speak loudly
When you speak loudly, it raises the stress level among company. It always implies that you can't reason with people and rely on "brute force" to get your point across. It also draws attention -- negative attention.
Do not lose your temper
When you lose your temper, you are showing everyone that you can't control your emotions. If you can't even control yourself, then how can you possibly control anything else? Keep your cool at all times (it won't be easy but it is worth the effort) and people will take positive note of your levelheadedness.
Do not stare
Ogling someone is the equivalent of psychological aggression. You don't want to intimidate people for no reason.
Do not interrupt
Let people finish what they are saying before adding your comments. Interrupting others is a sign of poor etiquette and a lack of social skills. If you want to come across as egotistical, you can do so by constantly interrupting. But if you must:
Interrupt politely
Etiquette dictates that you should never interrupt, but that's not always practical. Interjecting your comments while someone else is speaking is definitely impolite, unless there is an emergency, or other good and valid reason. If you must interrupt or leave a conversational group, be sure to say, "excuse me" or "I beg your pardon." Being polite means treating other people's situations, opinions and feelings with respect.
Do not spit
A lot of men do this almost subconsciously. Spitting is very crude and not too pretty to look at. Do not spit in public unless you want to look like you were raised in a sewer.
Respect your elders
In fact, you should respect others as you would like them to respect you. I am specifying elders because it seems that today, young men think they know it all. Well, they don't. Just think of yourself five years ago... you're much smarter and experienced today, aren't you? Of course, yet you thought you knew it all five years ago.
Do not laugh at others' mistakes
This is perhaps one of the cruelest things one can do. When you mess up, the last thing you want is for someone not only to bring it to your attention, but to ridicule you on top of that.
Remove your hat indoors
This rule seems to have gone out the window these days. You should remove your headwear upon entering a building. Furthermore, never keep your hat on while at the dinner table. It reflects very poor etiquette.
Wait for seating before eating
When sitting down for a meal, you should wait until all the guests are properly seated and ready to commence the meal before eating. Everyone should start dining at the same time; this is a subtle but very important rule.
WOMEN & CHIVALRY
In addition to the aforementioned rules, gentlemen (in training) should follow these additional rules when in the presence of a lady. Chivalry may be on life support, but it is not dead yet. Be one of the few to keep this flame burning for many years to come.
Always open doors
This is perhaps the most basic rule of male etiquette out there. It is also one of the easiest to follow so you have no reason to forget it. Whether she is about to enter your car, restaurant, club, or anyplace with a door, you should always hold it open. If there are many doors, then hold them open one after the other.
Put on her coat
Always help a lady put on her coat or overgarment. This is a simple but powerful action.
Help with her seat
If an unaccompanied lady is sitting next to you, it is important that you help her be seated by pulling her chair out for her and gently pushing it back into place, with the lady seated of course.
Give up your seat
If a lady arrives at the table and there are no available seats, you should stand up and offer yours to her.
Stand at attention
Always stand when a lady enters or exits the room. This rule has been somewhat relaxed, so you can stand upon entrance but remain seated upon exit. Nonetheless, if you can do both, you should.
Give her your arm
When escorting a lady (that you know) to and from social events, you should offer her your arm. This is a little more intimate, but serves well when walking on uneven ground -- especially if she's wearing high heels.
Ask if she needs anything
This is one that most guys already do, but helps complete the gentleman in all of us nevertheless. When at social events, make sure to ask the lady if you can get her something to drink (or eat, depending on the event). Show her that you care about her comfort and needs.
Never smoke in the presence of a lady unless invited to
In this age of political correctness it has almost become a given. While she may not ask you to, make sure you do request her permission.
Remove the cigar from your lips if a lady passes by
This one is pure common sense. It's a security measure as well as an indicator of high regard.
Always carry a woman's packages
Let's face it; today's women would probably shoot you a puzzled fleeting look, so at least offer to do so. This lets her know you respect her and are courteous enough to inquire as to her comfort.
Retrieve dropped items
When someone drops something, pick it up and hand it back, whether it's a glove, a file folder or a twenty-dollar bill. Make sure you bend at the knees, not from the waist.
Walk beside a lady on the stairs
Never walk behind a woman on the stairway, especially if she's wearing a miniskirt. Walk beside her or slightly ahead of her on the stairs. When exiting a subway station in a crush of people, a gentleman will avert his eyes from the thighs ahead of him. The same principle applies if you are walking on the streets; don't follow any woman you don't know too closely.
Walk on the outside of a sidewalk
This allows your lady to be farther from the traffic. This way, if someone is going to be splashed, it will be you, not her. I know, I know... but that's the price to pay if you want to be a gentleman.
Don't "kiss and tell"
Discretion, honor and integrity are of paramount importance in developing and maintaining your reputation as a gentleman. Details of your love life should remain private. Similarly, if a colleague has too much to drink at a party, be discreet. Never break a confidence and don't participate in unkind gossip.
BASIC GOOD MANNERS
Don't flaunt your riches
Nobody likes a braggart. Keep your assets vague if you have to discuss financial matters. You can wear expensive things without blowing your own trumpet. Besides, money looks more appealing when it is invisable.
Never let others see you looking at your watch
When you're amid company, ask for the time or look at your watch only if you're ready to leave right that instant. When others notice you glancing at the time, it can be interpreted as boredom. Be inconspicuous.
Never groom yourself in public
This includes picking your nose, chewing your nails and picking your teeth. These areas should only be ventured in private. Committing these acts overtly is a colossal mark of a lack of class.
Be punctual
Perhaps the greatest sign of respect, which is what a gentleman is all about, is being on time. Having people wait for you is the equivalent of telling them that you don't care about them.
Shake hands firmly
Your handshake should mirror your personality. You want the other person to think of you as someone resolved, concrete and positive. But it shouldn't be a test of your strength; don't hurt them. Your grip should be the same for women.
Apply constant verbal grace
Use "excuse me" or "I beg your pardon" for all occasions. An extension of politeness, you should always use these expressions, whether it's to get someone to move out of your way, to apologize for your upcoming journey to the men's room, or simply to signal your interlocutors that you're about to start a sentence.
Tip well and discreetly
Only tip when it's called for, as opposed to those occasions when it's simply awkward (i.e. hospital nurses or business messenger). When you do tip, don't be cheap. Respect the 15% gratuity for restaurant tabs and nothing less than $10 for a significantly useful maitre d'.
Project high moral values
Even if you know that deep down you're not, appear as if you were virtuous. A real gentleman always comes out of everything smelling like a rose.
PARTY ETIQUETTE
The following tips apply for those occasions when you are venturing out into social events and get-togethers. God forbid you didn't know how to act like the gentleman you are.
Acknowledge your acquaintances
Don't play hide & seek with the people you know, even if you don't feel like talking to them. Bite the bullet, initiate the mandatory greetings, and get it over with.
Address new acquaintances by their title and last name
Doctor and military ranks are important to the people who have these titles. Mr. and Mrs. should be used for the others (if you're unsure about a woman's marital status, use Ms. when addressing her). Wait until they ask you to use their first name before doing so. There's nothing more irritating than someone who uses your first name two minutes after having met you.
Look at your interlocutor
Your attention should always be focused on the person you are talking with. Always look at them when listening as well as when you are in control of the conversation. Again, it's a question of respect.
At dinner, address those on your left and right
Unless it's a frat house keg fest, don't shout across the table -- concentrate on those closest to you. This will keep the proceedings calm and orderly.
Never remove coat or necktie when in company
By keeping your clothes on, you show that you consider the other guests important enough for you to remain fashionably tip-top.
Only talk when you've been formally introduced
Which is why the phrases "Have we met?" or "Have we been introduced?" are so handy. If you feel like speaking to somebody, find a person the two of you have in common and arrange a proper introduction.
Let your social superiors address you first
Unless you are on intimate terms, always let your social superior address you. This may seem archaic, but think of it in modern terms. You see Bill Gates at the party; do you go talk to him? Not unless you want his bodyguard to intervene. It can be clumsy, so arrange an introduction.
SUAVE COMMUNICATION
Practice good etiquette
Being courteous and respectful extends to how you handle your oral and written communications. Letters and voicemail messages should show that you are well-mannered and professional. In addition, practice e-mail Netiquette and cell phone etiquette.
Be a gracious guest
Thank the host at a social or business function. At a company party, always seek out and thank the most senior management in attendance, plus your own boss and the party organizers.
Thank others
Send handwritten thank-you notes for any gifts you receive, whether they are from suppliers or clients, or even your great-aunt Martha. Thank your server at lunch, the doorman at your building and your colleague who brings in donuts. Recognizing other people's thoughtfulness demonstrates your good breeding.
Don't be politically incorrect
The difference between a gentleman and a boor is class. Show you have it. Avoid off-color jokes and gossip. A few cheap laughs at someone else's expense will tarnish your image, both socially and professionally.
Practice small talk
Whether you're at a wedding reception or business conference, how you make conversation will boost the impression of your refinement. Charming conversationalists mentally rehearse small talk on a variety of topics, avoiding religion, politics and sex. A gentleman listens attentively, making eye contact, showing interest and graciously drawing other people into a conversation.
GALLANTRY
Carry a handkerchief
Plan ahead. Have a clean handkerchief in your pocket, especially when you attend a funeral. It's also a great idea to have a hanky handy for a lady friend to dry raindrops or tears.
Share your umbrella
It's very gallant to offer your umbrella to a lady. On a chilly evening or if the air conditioning is high, your wife or date might appreciate the loan of your suit jacket and others will notice your thoughtfulness. However, this gesture may be viewed as patronizing in a business setting, so don't do it for a female colleague unless hypothermia is imminent.
Cough thoughtfully
If you're overcome by a fit of coughing or sneezing, excuse yourself and leave the meeting or dinner table for a few minutes. Return quietly and apologize again as you take your seat.
Pay the bill discreetly
When you invite someone for lunch or dinner, accept the bill discreetly and without fanfare. When you're the guest, you may offer to pay your share or to buy the wine but it is ungentlemanly to argue about who will pay the tab.
CIVILITY & SOCIAL SKILLS
Maintain eye contact
At a party, maintain eye contact with whomever you are speaking with. You may be the most well-mannered man, but if someone feels you're scanning the room for someone more important to talk to, your image will be shattered.
Make introductions
Show your good manners when introducing people by telling them more than each other's names. "Hal, I'd like you to meet Phil Brown, he's a pilot with Delta. Phil, this is Hal Black. He recently returned from the Gulf with the military." Many people have difficulty remembering names, and will appreciate your thoughtful manners if you say "George, you remember Alan, don't you?"
Engage people
Be gracious. Make conversation with those on the sidelines, particularly at business functions. Your good breeding and kindness will be remembered. Invite people to become involved, whether it's in a group discussion at a conference, a baseball game at the company picnic or a conga line at a wedding reception.
Follow the host's lead
At a business dinner or dinner party, don't sit until your host does, and don't begin eating until they have lifted their fork. Wait to drink your wine until your host proposes a toast or takes a sip. Do not smoke until everyone has finished, and then only smoke if it is clearly permitted and once you have asked permission of your tablemates.
TABLE MANNERS
Never speak with food in your mouth
No one wants to see what you're chewing or listen to you talk with a mouthful of food. If you're asked something and your mouth is full, signal your apologies and, if your dining partners are refined, they will patiently wait until you're able to reply. Unless there's a valid reason to wolf down your food and bolt from the table, eat slowly and converse with your tablemates.
Don't reach across someone
When dining with others, don't reach over; politely ask someone to pass the bread. When they do, take the tray or basket and offer the passer a piece of bread before taking one. If the bread is in front of you, pass it to the person beside you and, if they are knowledgeable about good etiquette, they will offer it to you before taking their own.
Put down your knife
Unless you're expecting an attack from a pack of marauding wild animals, put down your knife after cutting your food and before eating it. It demonstrates good table manners, slows down the process of eating and allows you more time to showcase your talents as a scintillating conversationalist.
I know I may have hit you with a large sum of information, but the life of a Gentleman was never deemed as Easy. I urge you to incorporate these tips into your daily routine. Think of it as a personal marketing program to showcase your finest features. Polish your professional and social image, and become recognized and remembered for being a chivalrous, gallant and refined gentleman. Elevate yourself above the rabble and display the mannerisms of a true gentleman. The world will appreciate such a rarity and your career will most definitely benefit from your good manners and savoir-faire. Finally, while excessive chivalry is what drove Don Quixote to madness, good manners are never uninvited in this era of fast business and faster relationships. Remember that behaving like a gentleman brings out the lady in every woman. As author John Bridges says, being a gentleman requires "a little logic, a bit of forethought and a great deal of consideration for others."
Etiquette Of A Gentleman
Always be polite
Even if you don't like someone, there is no need to lower yourself to their level. Be polite and courteous; show that you're the better man.
Do not curse
Swearing is a big no-no. It shows that you don't have the vocabulary to express your thoughts appropriately. Furthermore, it is always very crude and impolite to be vulgar.
Do not speak loudly
When you speak loudly, it raises the stress level among company. It always implies that you can't reason with people and rely on "brute force" to get your point across. It also draws attention -- negative attention.
Do not lose your temper
When you lose your temper, you are showing everyone that you can't control your emotions. If you can't even control yourself, then how can you possibly control anything else? Keep your cool at all times (it won't be easy but it is worth the effort) and people will take positive note of your levelheadedness.
Do not stare
Ogling someone is the equivalent of psychological aggression. You don't want to intimidate people for no reason.
Do not interrupt
Let people finish what they are saying before adding your comments. Interrupting others is a sign of poor etiquette and a lack of social skills. If you want to come across as egotistical, you can do so by constantly interrupting. But if you must:
Interrupt politely
Etiquette dictates that you should never interrupt, but that's not always practical. Interjecting your comments while someone else is speaking is definitely impolite, unless there is an emergency, or other good and valid reason. If you must interrupt or leave a conversational group, be sure to say, "excuse me" or "I beg your pardon." Being polite means treating other people's situations, opinions and feelings with respect.
Do not spit
A lot of men do this almost subconsciously. Spitting is very crude and not too pretty to look at. Do not spit in public unless you want to look like you were raised in a sewer.
Respect your elders
In fact, you should respect others as you would like them to respect you. I am specifying elders because it seems that today, young men think they know it all. Well, they don't. Just think of yourself five years ago... you're much smarter and experienced today, aren't you? Of course, yet you thought you knew it all five years ago.
Do not laugh at others' mistakes
This is perhaps one of the cruelest things one can do. When you mess up, the last thing you want is for someone not only to bring it to your attention, but to ridicule you on top of that.
Remove your hat indoors
This rule seems to have gone out the window these days. You should remove your headwear upon entering a building. Furthermore, never keep your hat on while at the dinner table. It reflects very poor etiquette.
Wait for seating before eating
When sitting down for a meal, you should wait until all the guests are properly seated and ready to commence the meal before eating. Everyone should start dining at the same time; this is a subtle but very important rule.
WOMEN & CHIVALRY
In addition to the aforementioned rules, gentlemen (in training) should follow these additional rules when in the presence of a lady. Chivalry may be on life support, but it is not dead yet. Be one of the few to keep this flame burning for many years to come.
Always open doors
This is perhaps the most basic rule of male etiquette out there. It is also one of the easiest to follow so you have no reason to forget it. Whether she is about to enter your car, restaurant, club, or anyplace with a door, you should always hold it open. If there are many doors, then hold them open one after the other.
Put on her coat
Always help a lady put on her coat or overgarment. This is a simple but powerful action.
Help with her seat
If an unaccompanied lady is sitting next to you, it is important that you help her be seated by pulling her chair out for her and gently pushing it back into place, with the lady seated of course.
Give up your seat
If a lady arrives at the table and there are no available seats, you should stand up and offer yours to her.
Stand at attention
Always stand when a lady enters or exits the room. This rule has been somewhat relaxed, so you can stand upon entrance but remain seated upon exit. Nonetheless, if you can do both, you should.
Give her your arm
When escorting a lady (that you know) to and from social events, you should offer her your arm. This is a little more intimate, but serves well when walking on uneven ground -- especially if she's wearing high heels.
Ask if she needs anything
This is one that most guys already do, but helps complete the gentleman in all of us nevertheless. When at social events, make sure to ask the lady if you can get her something to drink (or eat, depending on the event). Show her that you care about her comfort and needs.
Never smoke in the presence of a lady unless invited to
In this age of political correctness it has almost become a given. While she may not ask you to, make sure you do request her permission.
Remove the cigar from your lips if a lady passes by
This one is pure common sense. It's a security measure as well as an indicator of high regard.
Always carry a woman's packages
Let's face it; today's women would probably shoot you a puzzled fleeting look, so at least offer to do so. This lets her know you respect her and are courteous enough to inquire as to her comfort.
Retrieve dropped items
When someone drops something, pick it up and hand it back, whether it's a glove, a file folder or a twenty-dollar bill. Make sure you bend at the knees, not from the waist.
Walk beside a lady on the stairs
Never walk behind a woman on the stairway, especially if she's wearing a miniskirt. Walk beside her or slightly ahead of her on the stairs. When exiting a subway station in a crush of people, a gentleman will avert his eyes from the thighs ahead of him. The same principle applies if you are walking on the streets; don't follow any woman you don't know too closely.
Walk on the outside of a sidewalk
This allows your lady to be farther from the traffic. This way, if someone is going to be splashed, it will be you, not her. I know, I know... but that's the price to pay if you want to be a gentleman.
Don't "kiss and tell"
Discretion, honor and integrity are of paramount importance in developing and maintaining your reputation as a gentleman. Details of your love life should remain private. Similarly, if a colleague has too much to drink at a party, be discreet. Never break a confidence and don't participate in unkind gossip.
BASIC GOOD MANNERS
Don't flaunt your riches
Nobody likes a braggart. Keep your assets vague if you have to discuss financial matters. You can wear expensive things without blowing your own trumpet. Besides, money looks more appealing when it is invisable.
Never let others see you looking at your watch
When you're amid company, ask for the time or look at your watch only if you're ready to leave right that instant. When others notice you glancing at the time, it can be interpreted as boredom. Be inconspicuous.
Never groom yourself in public
This includes picking your nose, chewing your nails and picking your teeth. These areas should only be ventured in private. Committing these acts overtly is a colossal mark of a lack of class.
Be punctual
Perhaps the greatest sign of respect, which is what a gentleman is all about, is being on time. Having people wait for you is the equivalent of telling them that you don't care about them.
Shake hands firmly
Your handshake should mirror your personality. You want the other person to think of you as someone resolved, concrete and positive. But it shouldn't be a test of your strength; don't hurt them. Your grip should be the same for women.
Apply constant verbal grace
Use "excuse me" or "I beg your pardon" for all occasions. An extension of politeness, you should always use these expressions, whether it's to get someone to move out of your way, to apologize for your upcoming journey to the men's room, or simply to signal your interlocutors that you're about to start a sentence.
Tip well and discreetly
Only tip when it's called for, as opposed to those occasions when it's simply awkward (i.e. hospital nurses or business messenger). When you do tip, don't be cheap. Respect the 15% gratuity for restaurant tabs and nothing less than $10 for a significantly useful maitre d'.
Project high moral values
Even if you know that deep down you're not, appear as if you were virtuous. A real gentleman always comes out of everything smelling like a rose.
PARTY ETIQUETTE
The following tips apply for those occasions when you are venturing out into social events and get-togethers. God forbid you didn't know how to act like the gentleman you are.
Acknowledge your acquaintances
Don't play hide & seek with the people you know, even if you don't feel like talking to them. Bite the bullet, initiate the mandatory greetings, and get it over with.
Address new acquaintances by their title and last name
Doctor and military ranks are important to the people who have these titles. Mr. and Mrs. should be used for the others (if you're unsure about a woman's marital status, use Ms. when addressing her). Wait until they ask you to use their first name before doing so. There's nothing more irritating than someone who uses your first name two minutes after having met you.
Look at your interlocutor
Your attention should always be focused on the person you are talking with. Always look at them when listening as well as when you are in control of the conversation. Again, it's a question of respect.
At dinner, address those on your left and right
Unless it's a frat house keg fest, don't shout across the table -- concentrate on those closest to you. This will keep the proceedings calm and orderly.
Never remove coat or necktie when in company
By keeping your clothes on, you show that you consider the other guests important enough for you to remain fashionably tip-top.
Only talk when you've been formally introduced
Which is why the phrases "Have we met?" or "Have we been introduced?" are so handy. If you feel like speaking to somebody, find a person the two of you have in common and arrange a proper introduction.
Let your social superiors address you first
Unless you are on intimate terms, always let your social superior address you. This may seem archaic, but think of it in modern terms. You see Bill Gates at the party; do you go talk to him? Not unless you want his bodyguard to intervene. It can be clumsy, so arrange an introduction.
SUAVE COMMUNICATION
Practice good etiquette
Being courteous and respectful extends to how you handle your oral and written communications. Letters and voicemail messages should show that you are well-mannered and professional. In addition, practice e-mail Netiquette and cell phone etiquette.
Be a gracious guest
Thank the host at a social or business function. At a company party, always seek out and thank the most senior management in attendance, plus your own boss and the party organizers.
Thank others
Send handwritten thank-you notes for any gifts you receive, whether they are from suppliers or clients, or even your great-aunt Martha. Thank your server at lunch, the doorman at your building and your colleague who brings in donuts. Recognizing other people's thoughtfulness demonstrates your good breeding.
Don't be politically incorrect
The difference between a gentleman and a boor is class. Show you have it. Avoid off-color jokes and gossip. A few cheap laughs at someone else's expense will tarnish your image, both socially and professionally.
Practice small talk
Whether you're at a wedding reception or business conference, how you make conversation will boost the impression of your refinement. Charming conversationalists mentally rehearse small talk on a variety of topics, avoiding religion, politics and sex. A gentleman listens attentively, making eye contact, showing interest and graciously drawing other people into a conversation.
GALLANTRY
Carry a handkerchief
Plan ahead. Have a clean handkerchief in your pocket, especially when you attend a funeral. It's also a great idea to have a hanky handy for a lady friend to dry raindrops or tears.
Share your umbrella
It's very gallant to offer your umbrella to a lady. On a chilly evening or if the air conditioning is high, your wife or date might appreciate the loan of your suit jacket and others will notice your thoughtfulness. However, this gesture may be viewed as patronizing in a business setting, so don't do it for a female colleague unless hypothermia is imminent.
Cough thoughtfully
If you're overcome by a fit of coughing or sneezing, excuse yourself and leave the meeting or dinner table for a few minutes. Return quietly and apologize again as you take your seat.
Pay the bill discreetly
When you invite someone for lunch or dinner, accept the bill discreetly and without fanfare. When you're the guest, you may offer to pay your share or to buy the wine but it is ungentlemanly to argue about who will pay the tab.
CIVILITY & SOCIAL SKILLS
Maintain eye contact
At a party, maintain eye contact with whomever you are speaking with. You may be the most well-mannered man, but if someone feels you're scanning the room for someone more important to talk to, your image will be shattered.
Make introductions
Show your good manners when introducing people by telling them more than each other's names. "Hal, I'd like you to meet Phil Brown, he's a pilot with Delta. Phil, this is Hal Black. He recently returned from the Gulf with the military." Many people have difficulty remembering names, and will appreciate your thoughtful manners if you say "George, you remember Alan, don't you?"
Engage people
Be gracious. Make conversation with those on the sidelines, particularly at business functions. Your good breeding and kindness will be remembered. Invite people to become involved, whether it's in a group discussion at a conference, a baseball game at the company picnic or a conga line at a wedding reception.
Follow the host's lead
At a business dinner or dinner party, don't sit until your host does, and don't begin eating until they have lifted their fork. Wait to drink your wine until your host proposes a toast or takes a sip. Do not smoke until everyone has finished, and then only smoke if it is clearly permitted and once you have asked permission of your tablemates.
TABLE MANNERS
Never speak with food in your mouth
No one wants to see what you're chewing or listen to you talk with a mouthful of food. If you're asked something and your mouth is full, signal your apologies and, if your dining partners are refined, they will patiently wait until you're able to reply. Unless there's a valid reason to wolf down your food and bolt from the table, eat slowly and converse with your tablemates.
Don't reach across someone
When dining with others, don't reach over; politely ask someone to pass the bread. When they do, take the tray or basket and offer the passer a piece of bread before taking one. If the bread is in front of you, pass it to the person beside you and, if they are knowledgeable about good etiquette, they will offer it to you before taking their own.
Put down your knife
Unless you're expecting an attack from a pack of marauding wild animals, put down your knife after cutting your food and before eating it. It demonstrates good table manners, slows down the process of eating and allows you more time to showcase your talents as a scintillating conversationalist.
I know I may have hit you with a large sum of information, but the life of a Gentleman was never deemed as Easy. I urge you to incorporate these tips into your daily routine. Think of it as a personal marketing program to showcase your finest features. Polish your professional and social image, and become recognized and remembered for being a chivalrous, gallant and refined gentleman. Elevate yourself above the rabble and display the mannerisms of a true gentleman. The world will appreciate such a rarity and your career will most definitely benefit from your good manners and savoir-faire. Finally, while excessive chivalry is what drove Don Quixote to madness, good manners are never uninvited in this era of fast business and faster relationships. Remember that behaving like a gentleman brings out the lady in every woman. As author John Bridges says, being a gentleman requires "a little logic, a bit of forethought and a great deal of consideration for others."
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